today is a day

I really wish Amazon would stop showing me things like a 5-year Q&A a Day For Couples type books. I never thought we didn’t have five years, even though I knew we probably didn’t have 30. I’d thought of getting one earlier this year, but the prompts seemed too stupid. Wanted to make our own. The red moleskine bought for that purpose sits untouched in a drawer.

I ordered new hiking sandals before my old ones fall apart – after seven years they’re kind of beat. But now I don’t want to open them. Some weird anxiety about changing things. 

Bad day. Migraine lingering from last night. Exhausted. Can’t focus at work. Got through a couple financial priorities, handled the mail, now crying again. For a while I was doing better on a lot of weekdays than weekends, but I think it’s flipped. 

I don’t look at Facebook much so I just learned yesterday that someone else we know also unexpectedly became a widower recently. We’re hours away and haven’t seen him in years. I’ll reach out but I don’t know what comfort I can offer, just commiseration. I keep thinking about how I didn’t want anyone else to have to join this fucking awful club before old age.