how many times can I say back

i just want back the myriad ways you accommodated me and made up for my shortcomings

I want back arguing and you being right I want back the reassurance of taking on the world together. I don’t know how to say it. “having my back” is too trite and simple for the backing of your strength

later: I don’t know how to handle this. I still can’t concentrate. How am I going to work