I almost canceled on friends coming over because I wasn’t sure if my migraine meds would still be working well enough but I figured I wouldn’t be able to sleep early anyway. Had a decent time playing Hanabi and Splendor so I didn’t have to learn anything new.
I still have this feeling when something like that happens, that I need to pull out my phone to tell Zack “hey, I thought I wasn’t gonna much enjoy going to / doing this thing and it went better than I thought and thank you for encouraging me to not be a hermit”.
As if I had gone out for a board game day without him (something I did a couple times since kid was born, to give me a chance to get out of the house) and he’s waiting for me to get home.
It’s so weird and heartwrenching a feeling, as if for a moment I had been happy enough that my brain slipped up and forgot that I can’t tell him about this, and then I want to enjoy that feeling but it’s already gone and replaced with the crushing sense of loss as if a beautiful place you were thinking about visiting again has already been destroyed and you are remembering you can never go back there.